You're my little dorito
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize