Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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