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Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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