Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
