I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
