his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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