what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
