Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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