is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
