you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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