me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
