I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When are your genitals available?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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