Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's the barista slut.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
