I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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