Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
