the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
