I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
