remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ruined the universe
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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