so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
