Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
