Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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