koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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