yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
