so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
