Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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