I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
