If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You took a bar mat shot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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