I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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