sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So many bounce houses so little time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
