An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
