Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
