my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
