Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
