she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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