I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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