i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
