one two three fourrrrnication!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
