Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
