I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
