Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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