Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
