my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
