The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i would punch a child for taco bell
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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