So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So apparently I’m into choking now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
