I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
