trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
