We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
