You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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