Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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