Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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