I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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