I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
