i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
