Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As shirtless as possible
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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