I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
