I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
