um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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