i permit you to call me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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