Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
