Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
