I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize