Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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