I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
