So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
