Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Congratulations! We have a period
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
