all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
