I wanna bring you to show and tell
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
