omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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