dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
