i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
